...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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