hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
