I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
