ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
