he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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