"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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