At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
