Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She made me pour olive oil on her.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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