Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
