We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
