Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
