I think my fart just growled at me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
