i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
