..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
