I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
