what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize