dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I didn't notice because vodka
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
