I need help removing her.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
