Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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