I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
