White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
