Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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