There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
