i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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