then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize