i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
