remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
