I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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