the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
