She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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