Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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