I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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