Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
