My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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