literally had 100 drinks last night.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
