there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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