it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
