Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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