I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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