He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
