Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
