dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
