So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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