I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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