I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
