Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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