Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
