Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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