my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
