well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
