ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
