He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
