we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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