hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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