It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
