When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
