11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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