Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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