she woke up with a sticky ear
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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