When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
