and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
