I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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