i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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