I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
